


la capture

by leprixx



Category: SHINee
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gift Work, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-23
Updated: 2015-01-23
Packaged: 2018-04-22 15:51:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4841345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leprixx/pseuds/leprixx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>one moment he’s himself, nothing more - the next, he’s in love</p>
            </blockquote>





	la capture

as with all things in his life, it degenerates.

it does not dawn on him subtly, or come with a cry of warning - one moment he is staring at the television and the next he's caught in the curve of a jaw, the stretch of a neck, the pitches of a laugh. one moment he's himself, nothing more - the next, he's in love.

\--

he says it, once, two months deep in the feeling that gnaws at him, when kibum is lightly snoring from the edge of the sofa, taemin with feet tangled in jinki's hair as both sleep on the floor.

"who put you up to this?" jonghyun rips another piece of paper off the magazine and watches as it floats to the floor, slight scowl in place. minho blinks slowly, imagines that is his heart instead, exhales as the paper settles on the ground, soundless, irremediably broken and alone.

"donghae hyung" he says, in a gush of breath, of acceptance eating its way down his throat, constricting his heart, tearing it apart.

"yeah?" jonghyun looks at him briefly before ripping another piece of paper, head tilted towards jinki and taemin.

"yes"

"tell him it's not funny" jonghyun says, voice soft as minho stands up, drums strumming along his ribcage, threatening to dislocate, break, crash.

"i will"

\--

"what's wrong?" kibum asks, half inside minho's personal space, half out.

"what." minho keeps his eyes on the treadmill dashboard. he's gone 12km already.

"with you. what's wrong?" kibum leans in more, body effectively blocking the chronometer.

"nothing's wrong."

kibum scoffs, starts to say something and gets interrupted by the ring of his cellphone. minho presses the button for speed and starts running faster.

\--

"good luck" he says, looking straight at jinki, at the way his eyes crinkled at the corner as he tried to keep the smile up and the tears at bay. taemin was at his side, spine ramrod straight, eyes guarded and still with a twinge of red in them. trying so hard to be strong when they all, at their own way, loved him anyway. the mention of love, even mentally, made him gulp. _it has been years_ , he tells himself, stepping forward and fitting one arm at the curve between jinki's neck and shoulders. _i am over with this. i am stronger_.

"we love you, hyung" millisecond of pure panic, of heart beating so fast that it might burst "hyung-deul" and as jinki's smiles trembles a bit, tears wetting his cheeks, minho just tries really, reallly hard not to look at jonghyun.

\--

the next six months pass by in a blur of men and women inside him, around him, pressed against the wall of his brand new flat while he drags his mouth down their necks and breathes alcohol against himself.

changmin finds him one day, and shoos away two scantily clad girls out of his sight before coming back and sitting on the bed next to him with a frown.

"hyung" he groans

"fuck you for being stupid" changmin says, scowl in place but only sighing once minho rolled towards him, legs curling around the curve of his form. "minho-ah" he dragged a hand through his hair, pressed lightly at his neck. "minho-ah, sex won't make it better." he looks bitter, and minho almost bites out something about how would he know, huh, how could you even- "he'll come back soon, alright?" and changmin's shoulders sagged just a bit, eyes just on the edge of haunted.

\--

"it's good to be back, huh?" kibum says, stepping out, hair still short. minho looks past him, at the way jonghyun was silently watching, the way jinki's hand scratched taemin's scalp despite of his protests.

"yeah."

they go drinking, afterwards. taemin and jinki disappear after a while, kibum chatting animatedly to whoever was on the other line. minho looks at jonghyun through the haze of insobriety.

"i love you" he says, because it's been so long and he can't remember the last time they had a proper conversation, just the two of them, and this is not the best way to fix that, is it?

jonghyun says nothing. he turns back to the others and then goes for jinki and taemin, bringing them and kibum to hail a cab, minho following silently behind, getting out and helping jonghyun shuffle them all to bed before falling into the sofa at their old dorm.

"i knew." jonghyun is suddenly there, centimeters away from his touch. minho's heart misses a beat, and jonghyun is on his lap, thighs pressing against his hips, breath raising shivers from him, arms lacing behind his neck. "i know. i always..."

_shut up_ , he begs, crashing their mouths together. _shut up shut up shut up._

\--

"oh" says kibum, next morning, prying jonghyun from minho's arms and helping him sit up. "so..." he moves his arm in a big wave as jonghyun hides his face on his chest. "was this...?"

"yes" he says, head almost splitting with result of the hangover, and kibum shakes his own head, mouth in a line of you-are-hopeless.

"i'm sorry" comes from jonghyun, voice muffled and back tense. minho wonders, for a second, how it'd be like, to hear the words he said those two times being thrown back at him, breathed against his skin, moaned inside a kiss. "i. i didn't- i'm not-"

"i know" he says, turning on his side, back to them, eyes wet and angry, so fucking angry because even despite all of that, even despite the semen dried on his stomach, even despite the years spent dreaming, it was still horrible and bitter and not what he wanted - it was not enough to warrant the intimacy and trust that jonghyun shared with kibum.

"minho-"

"just leave me alone."

\--

"she's beautiful" taemin says, shoulders brushing his, hair framing his face handsomely and suit perfect against his skin.

minho looks forward, to where jonghyun is smiling at her, pure love and adoration in his eyes as kibum patted her white dress and said something that made her laugh, hand moving to hide her smile. the diamond in her finger shined a thousand colors, the colors of years spent yearning and loving and suffering and all the things minho kept inside and tried to kill and failed, not since he got caught by the curve of a jaw, the stretch of a neck, the pitches of a laugh.

"she is" he agrees, drinking in the curves the wedding dress created on her form, the shine make up added to her face. _not as beautiful as jonghyun, with his too big nose, too soft heart and too loud of a laugh, though_ , but he wasn't sure if taemin would deal with the remark well, so he kept inside.

"come on" taemin says, as minho is practically able to feel the years of heartache that are to come beginning to pile up in his throat. "it's time for our speech". minho nods, heart breaking, and goes.

**Author's Note:**

> for osob. originally posted on january/2012.


End file.
